You get to be picky about who and what you allow in your life.
One I had to learn for myself in many, many ways!
With friends, in relationships, situations I would constantly find myself repeating.
Urgh…we’ve all been there!
And the beauty is you’ll always be learning.
I’m constantly surprising myself on the daily with some of this stuff ha!
All those little ‘ooooh I wouldn’t have said or done THAT before’ moments that make the hard work worth it.
Of course sometimes there’s going to be less of a choice in what you can be picky about, that’s always going to be the case, but often there’s MORE of one that we’re not allowing ourselves to see.
So many of us were taught as kids to ‘do as we’re told’ and if we didn’t there would be negative consequences.
We might have been taught we have to be polite or else there’s negative consequences.
We might have been taught we have to spend time with people we don’t want to.
Play nice with people who don’t play nice with us.
Like people because we’ve been told we should or have to. Maybe because they’re in our family or family friends circle.
You might have literally just been taught it’s not good, or desirable to be ‘picky’ about anything! Think of phrases like ‘you get what you’re given’.
It’s important to caveat this, like I do everytime I talk about the things that we learn as kids, this along with many other things has always been considered totally ‘normal’ for want of a better word.
It can be very innocent and no harm intended and remember people are only ever doing their best based on the resources and awareness they have themselves. So we steer clear of blaming and shaming anyone else in our quest for what I call ‘the great unlearn’!
We have to unlearn a huge amount of what we were taught as kids because it’s not relevant, or helpful now as adults. And often completely untrue as adults.
And we do that piece by piece, not in one go.
This is where the self awareness work becomes so important, so we make sure we’re looking at it from the perspective of ‘ohhhh this is why I think or do that, that makes total sense’.
It becomes ‘yeay me and my brain and nervous system for protecting me!’
Instead of judging ourselves or anyone else.
And this little piece is one of those such things.
You get to be picky about who and what you allow into your space, into your energy to take your time.
You get to do that.
If you have a boss you don’t like or get on with, can you change teams or move companies?
You get to be picky about who is in your friendship circle.
You get to be picky about your relationships. On this one it’s worth noting there is far more to breaking ingrained patterns than simply cognitively knowing or telling yourself you get to choose. It definitely requires work. But that’s all part of the choice you’re making to not repeat the same patterns and to change the game in your own life.
You get to be picky about your environment.
You get to be picky about who you allow to take up space in your life.
You get to be picky about the clients you take on.
You get to be picky about whose company you keep.
It’s being able to say, ok, I don’t like this, what CAN I do about it?
I’m not saying the options are always ideal, or easy, and of course privilege is always going to help in all areas, but they are options and you’re capable of incredible things.
The problems come when we don’t think we have options. Because you’re not going to make peace with that. You’ll feel that sense of injustice. But once you see that you can make a decision, and it’s more within your control…it changes the game in terms of how you feel day to day.
I always think it’s a good idea to do little ‘audits’ of these things.
Who or what has a positive influence in your life.
Who or what has a negative influence in your life.
Who or what doesn’t bring nor take away.
Then get picky about how much time you spend in each!
On the tasks, in the places, with the people.
When you do the work around this and you grow in your own worth, values and boundaries, just watch how quickly the right people come into your life.
Watch how your relationships transform.
Watch how every area of your life improves.
You can’t do any of it without awareness of your own patterns.
If you don’t do it you’re just going to repeat the same patterns of familiarity, which for most of us, don’t tend to be good for us.
Seek the stories of other people going through similar things.
Seek the stories of triumph over adversity.
Seek the experiences that prove your current beliefs wrong and allow you to relax into yourself and rewire old traumas and patterns with the new information.
That’s the good stuff.
Fran Excell, Success Mindset Mentor at www.franexcell.com – Helping Business Owners & Executives Overcome Stress & Self Sabotage so they can get back their time, get off the emotional rollercoaster and feel more in control.
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