Learning And Growth In The Dark Scary Times

Learning And Growth In The Dark Scary Times

Well here we are. 

2023. Feels like yesterday it was 2019!

So, I’m easing you in with this one in the hope you’re still taking as much time as you need for yourself. 

As much rest as you need.

As much time with your loved ones as you need.

I for one tend to take the first week of January off and ease myself back in super slowly, no pressure.

I’ve stayed totally off social media too for 2 weeks which has been wonderful.

I am giving you a bit of a raw one today but I know that it’s going to give someone who’s going through it at the moment some hope or a different perspective so it’s worth the vulnerability hangover.

2022 for so many people, including myself, was a bit of a shocker personally.

It’s very easy when things are hard to drown in it and miss all the good that is right there in front of you.  Your brain will be very helpful and filter this for you too if you don’t put your conscious hat on and intentionally look for the good bits so remember that. There’s always an unconscious filter on everything so pop on your conscious hat and take another look, you never know what you might find.

It’s especially difficult when you’re surrounded with people’s highlight reels, that are LITERALLY highlight reels leaving out all the bits they don’t want you to see or know about,  making it look like they’ve had a wonderful year and you’re left feeling a little flat and wondering what’s wrong with you.

There’s nothing wrong with you my love, you’re just comparing apples to pineapples and thinking they’re the same. 

So here we go…I’ve been honest about the fact that 2022 was difficult for me personally. 

One day I will talk about it all and the lessons but it’s not appropriate for me to do that for a little while yet, I know you’ll understand.  

I’ve had to let go of what I thought my life was, and what it was going to look like from pretty much every angle. 

I’ve had to let go of some of the things I love the most in my life too.

It’s been brutal and incredibly painful honestly, and now I’ve been ‘in’ it a while and starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel I can see it’s also been very beautiful.

Things have happened in the last year that I used to think would break me but my goodness it’s done the opposite. 

The things I used to fear, have happened.  And guess what, I’m still here.

So if you’ve been through the ringer the last year I hope you can reflect back and see the same, even if you’re still in the thick of it I hope you allow yourself to start looking for the value and the lessons that might be there.  

My priority in 2022, particularly the second half, was really doubling down and practicing what I preach.  

I let go of goals I set for myself at the beginning of the year because they just weren’t a priority anymore. (Pssst…you get to change your goals by the way…thought that was an important point to make on Jan 2nd!)

I have looked after myself like never before. I’ve been in the gym, in the spa,meditating, doing heartmath, tapping, journaling, making sure I’m outside, really simply listening to my body every day and giving it what it needs. (by the way, that’s how you improve your confidence and self love too…actually love yourself, treat yourself well and keep promises to yourself, you’ll find when you do that you care far less what other people think of you and more about what you think of yourself!)

I’ve been painfully honest with myself about what’s serving me and what’s not across all areas of my life.  It’s something I do often but I’ve really gone for it over the last few months and it’s very cathartic!  

I’ve let a huge amount of things go. I’ve burned a lot of stuff down, metaphorically, that were sapping my energy!

I’ve supported myself like never before. It’s actually been really lovely to witness how I’ve handled things and I’m incredibly proud of myself. 

As someone who had such terrible anxiety and negativity and chronic catastophising for most of my life, to be able to handle some of the really big things life can throw at you in the way I have gives me a tremendous sense of pride.  

That girl back in 2014 wouldn’t have believed the 2023 version could exist.  So wherever you’re at right now, I promise it can change! It will take work but your life can be unrecognisable in the best ways.

I’m particularly proud of the calm I’m able to access in the chaos. The way I’m instantly able to shift my perspective. The way I’m able to acknowledge and feel any negative feelings with no judgement and know there’s always the calm after the storm that brings with it incredible lessons.

Doing this means that things that could have knocked me down for days previously, last a matter of hours or often just minutes. The magic of allowing yourself to feel your feelings and know that they are valid, valuable and justified! 

It’s as if every time I move through something negative or dark there’s a new layer that sheds and new growth that happens.  

I don’t fear the big bad things anymore.  I take a deep breath, zoom out and just think about the next step. 

I hope you’re finding this episode helpful because I think there are too many people who talk about things being sunshine and roses all the time and it’s simply not true. I promise you these are the parts that make us who we are. They are the catalyst for growth.  Post traumatic growth is magical. These things that you thought would break you happen and your baseline of happiness, resilience, self worth all shifts for the positive when you allow the growth to happen.

I know and I absolutely trust that the things I thought would break me are actually building me. 

That’s magic in my eyes.

I don’t fear other people’s judgement of me because I know it always says FAR more about them than it does about me.

There’s so much pressure in this world to show up and be perfect, people will look to tear you down. That’s their thing, you don’t have to take it on. It’s really not about you anyway!

I’ve been let down by so many people this year who I thought I was close to and had my back. It’s been very painful at times but also I’m grateful because I don’t want that energy in my life. 

When people SHOW you who they are, believe them.  You get to grieve who you thought they were and what you thought you had, but know it was never really there in the first place and you will be far better without them. Let the gap they leave create space for amazing people to come into your life. 

I’m very solid in my opinion of myself these days.  I don’t need validation from anyone outside of me, nice as it is when it happens ha! 

I know who I am and I’m excited for who I’m going to be in the future.

I’ve also allowed myself to be supported like never before.  This was newer for me this year.  I’ve always been very independent and identified as ‘capable’ of doing everything myself. It’s been something I’ve really practiced and worked on and it’s brought so many beautiful things into my life. I’ve talked about it in a previous episode. 

I’m not putting any pressure on 2023.  It will involve some things that I never thought I’d be doing.  Things that I don’t want to do.  Things that are hard, sad, heartbreaking and challenging to my ego but I promise you the episode you hear this time next year will blow your mind.

So whatever your last year has looked like please allow yourself to zoom out and start to get excited about the potential positive possibilities.

I can see them so so clearly now, and I AM excited. What an adventure I’m going on. 

And I hope that you can start to see things that way.  

Please remember that the 1st January is just another day. 

It’s a societal thing that has made it so important and made people feel like it’s the ONLY day of the year where you really need to get your shiz together and if you don’t stick with it you’re a mighty failure.

I don’t believe in resolutions that set you up to fail and don’t take the science of habits into account and are set through a lens of all the things that you think are ‘wrong’ or ‘not good enough’ about yourself. 

No thank you.

I like to do things a little differently. 

I love this time of year for reflection and I also love it because as much as you really can do this any day during the year, I do like the energy of a clean slate. I just take away the pressure.

You’re perfect as you are. If you want to tweak some things this year from a place of self love rather than self judgement then I’m so here for that. 

Although there are still some hard things to come for me in 2023, I know I’m going to handle anything that comes my way.   

There are lessons I’ve learned, and am still learning that I will be forever grateful for. Even though they SUCKED at the time. 

I know who my people are. I know who I am!

There are also plenty of exciting things that are coming up for me this year outside the personal growth I know is coming my way in abundance.

There is going to be an even more affordable and accessible way to use the Positive Pants Toolkit app coming very soon that I’m really excited about.

There are hugely exciting developments with the podcast AND the potential launch of 2 more.  One that ties in nicely with this one but longer form interviews so I KNOW you’re going to love that one. 

And one that’s something I’d love to do just for fun. So keep your ears peeled for those. 

I’m going to be doing more individual enneagram sessions and bringing you the gift of sweet sweet self awareness and the roadmap to your own growth and happiness.  If you’re not following @enneagramandexcell please do go follow, there’s a link to book your session in the bio over there too. I ADORE these sessions because they never fail to blow clients minds and completely shift the way someone sees themselves. So much self compassion comes from understanding your enneagram type and it gives me chills to see how that shifts for someone.

You can also now work with me 1:1 through your company, just email hello@franexcell.com and put me in touch with your HR or learning and development contact.  

I’ll also be doing more corporate trainings and workshops too which again, if you’d like me to come into your company or work with your team just put me in touch with the people responsible and we shall make it so.  I’ve worked with some very cool companies this year around understanding self sabotage and emotional regulation tools and techniques as well as the enneagram and it all brings me absolute joy so the more the merrier!

Instead of fixing any goals for myself this year outside of continuing to look after myself and support myself to the best of my ability and lean into what my body is telling me it needs, I’m going with authenticity and flow. 

There are still a lot of unknowns in my world, and a little more pain to get through so i’m going to allow myself to follow the nudges.  I’m letting things unfold, feeling my feelings, allowing myself to say yes to opportunities or to what scares me. 

And also…lots of healing.

I hope wherever you’re at or however you’re feeling today that you know how much you matter. 

Fx

Fran Excell, Success Mindset Mentor at www.franexcell.com – Helping Business Owners & Executives Overcome Stress & Self Sabotage so they can get back their time, get off the emotional rollercoaster and feel more in control. 

RESOURCES:

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