As I gear up to be ‘properly’ back to work this week I’ve been having a little ponder and reflections on some mindset shifts and ways of thinking that I personally believe could be helpful for 2023.
I’ve seen too many people get sucked in by certain messaging in marketing or in society itself that I believe is problematic.
2022 saw me the most disappointed I’d ever been at some behaviour I saw. The way people were treating each other. SO…MUCH…DRAMA, and I don’t do drama. Not my circus, not my monkeys.
So I tried to see as little of it as possible.
It frustrates me seeing people behave badly towards other people. But, after 8 years digging deep into human behaviour, controversial as it may be, I feel huge compassion for those doing it.
It’s wrong, plain and simple, I’m certainly not excusing it or saying I think it’s ok. I categorically think the opposite. BUT, when you REALLY understand where that behaviour comes from it IS hard to not find compassion.
People that behave in nasty ways to people, or talk badly about people, are not happy people. It’s often child consciousness following us into our adult life.
There is something going on there that is defense and protection mode. That behaviour comes from deep wounds.
When you really, truly understand that it’s hard to not have compassion, which in turn changes how you react.
There’s things that happened to me last year that were super hurtful. But I understand where the behaviour came from.
I choose to view it with compassion and exit the situation and know it’s my choice who to be around and who not to be around. No hard feelings, new boundaries!
I’m on a mission to help people be more conscious because it’s so fundamental to living a good life.
That comes from being aware of and then challenging our own thoughts and perceptions and also taking responsibility for our own behaviour.
When 95-99% of what you do is habitually wired in and automatic, we need consciousness as the absolute basic start to making any change and living a happy life.
It’s not to demonise the unconscious, far from it. It’s incredibly helpful in many ways. We want automation to conserve energy.
What we don’t want is for it to rule our behaviour, our results and our lives.
So these are a few of the shifts I think are important to at least think about going into the new year.
Hustle has been glorified for many many moons.
This idea that if you’re ‘busy’ that equates success.
It doesn’t in my eyes.
I don’t want to be ‘busy’ because in my mind that means I’m not being efficient (based on my own personal circumstances, privileges, nuances etc) Some people say ‘balance’ doesn’t exist but I disagree.
I believe that balance looks different for everyone. Define your version of balance that makes you FEEL you had balance in your life. Screw what anyone else thinks. They’re not you.
You do you boo!
It really feels like time that we stop focusing on what everyone else is doing or thinking about how they might be judging what we’re doing and just do what we want to do!
Do what suits us, our personality, our experience, our life.
It’s OURS at the end of the day.
I think this one is really important. I talk about it a lot.
It’s impossible to talk to all people at any one time.
There is nuance to everything.
People can’t judge people in exactly the same way.
We have nuance. They have nuance. Business has nuance. Careers have nuance. Friendships, relationships, family dynamics, things we’ve been through, what we want.
There is SO much nuance to every single thing you see!
Try not to blanket-coat opinions and start to question everything with curiosity.
You might be surprised by what you find and how it shifts things for you.
As I was saying previously, this one can bring in two of my previous points.
Nuance and the fact that people’s bad behaviour is often driven by deep deep wounds. In 2022, more than ANY other year, I’ve seen anger and hatred everywhere I look online.
It’s literally served to us and I’m absolutely not here for it.
As a society it seems like we’re being driven by reactive aggression and outrage.
‘This person must be punished’.
The need to hit people where it hurts and have them lose money, their business or be shunned from society in general.
It’s horrific behaviour and while many of the people being ‘cancelled’ I wholeheartedly don’t agree with.
When you bring nuance and curiosity into the situation things can look very different.
There have been MANY times through the ages when the mobs have been wrong.
Remember that next time you jump on a bandwagon. Do you have all sides of the story?
Extreme views often come from some semblance of psychology or neurobiology that makes sense.
Again, not simply stating who’s right and who’s wrong but more, how can we make this make sense.
What could have happened to this person to make them think or behave this way?
We’re very quick to react to how something ‘looks’ on the surface, usually without going deeper.
Leading nicely on from my previous point, try to remember all of the lenses we look at things through are different.
This goes back to nuance again. (sensing a pattern here?!)
When it comes to the truth, there are always more than one version of it.
In the example of two people falling out there’s one person’s truth, the other side’s truth and somewhere in the middle is THE truth.
Question with curiosity!!
Time and money spent on your own health, mental health wellbeing, development and enjoyment is, in my opinion, the BEST and MOST important investment you will ever make.
It makes everything infinitely better and the ROI is bigger than you could ever expect.
Whatever that looks like for you.
It could be spa trips and retreats, it could simply be finding 5 minutes to yourself.
Figure out what you feel YOU need to be the best version of you.
That will look different to everyone.
Oh my goodness, if you realise something isn’t working for you. If something feels heavy. If something or someone is not serving you anymore. You get to change your mind!!
It’s such a bizarre thing, the amount of stories and judgement that people can put on what other people do with their time and their lives.
It doesn’t matter! That’s a THEM thing, not a YOU thing. Follow joy. Follow happiness. Follow peace. It’s YOUR life.
If you feel you have to be fake or hide parts of yourself, it’s probably not your room or your people.
Just because there’s a clique that you’re not in, doesn’t mean you’re not good enough.
Spend more time with the people and in the rooms that give you a felt sense of safety.
Be around the people your nervous system is calm around. Y
ou deserve nothing short of that.
Your body is always talking to you and giving you clues about these things. Make a point to listen.
On that front, on the flip side, if you see someone changing it up HIGH FIVE them.
Keep your judgement to yourself, question where that judgement is coming from in the first place and realise big changes take gumption, bravery, cahones! It’s to be high-fived!
I don’t think this needs much explanation really.
You’re not going to win this every time, you’re human.
But how could things be different if you did it MOST of the time? If it was your intention?
Ego can be a little beastie. It’s human for that to get in the way sometimes but when you’re solid on your values and how you want to behave towards others I promise you’ll start to not tolerate anything different from other people.
It’s the very basics of treating others how you’d like to be treated. Game changer.
Remember even the toughest, strongest-looking people can be extremely vulnerable underneath it.
People are very quick to forget the phrase, ‘In a world where you can be anything, be kind’.
Aim to remember it as much as possible.
Everyone has their struggles and demons.
You never know what’s going on for someone else.
Check on your strong friends.
As much as you possibly can.
Just be a good person, lead with that.
I hope that’s given you some food for thought and perhaps a few things have spring to mind that you’d love to add.
2023 is my ‘year of me’. And I’m SO here for it.
Like I’ve said before, there’s still some tough bits still to come for me but I know how glorious it’s going to be on the other side and I’m here for the lessons and the growth.
I’m honing in and doubling down on all the things that make me FEEL good.
I’ve cheated the system and I’ve chosen TWO words for 2023. How very bold of me indeed.
The first one is authenticity.
To me this means absolutely not changing myself to fit anyone else or anyone else’s opinion on what I ‘should’ be doing.
Not dumbing myself down or suppressing who I am.
It means being with and around the people I feel 100% myself with.
Not ignoring my gut or red flags.
The way I see it is if you’re not being authentically you what are you left with? A career or business you don’t love. People who don’t make you feel your best. Surface-level relationships. No thank you!
Not everyone is going to like it and that’s absolutely ok. There will be plenty who do.
Think of authenticity like a spam filter for your life. The more YOU you are the more the pieces that don’t fit fall away. Wonderful.
The second is fun.
This year, I’m going to have some flipping fun!
I’m going to try new things, go to new places, spend time with my favourite people and let my inner child run absolutely wild.
It’s going to be glorious and I’m so glad you’re coming with me on the ride!!
Fran Excell, Success Mindset Mentor at www.franexcell.com – Helping Business Owners & Executives Overcome Stress & Self Sabotage so they can get back their time, get off the emotional rollercoaster and feel more in control.
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