Why is it that some people create huge success, seemingly effortlessly…and others never quite reach their full potential?
Now, this is not a quick answer, it’s very nuanced. But at the same time, fairly simple to see.
Same thing, different ways it shows up.
Our behaviour is governed by so many different things that are going on, mostly unconsciously. If you’ve been listening to me for any amount of time you’ll know this.
95-99% of everything we do is done on an unconscious level. It’s how we conserve energy. Autopilot.
But it’s not just physiological things. It’s not just walking, the way we brush our teeth, the way we do our hair, the way we do everything that requires no thought.
It’s also the emotional and behavioural patterns we follow.
Those behaviours we’re not conscious to but wonder why the same things keep happening.
The learned behaviours that may have served us and protected us once…that now, aren’t quite so helpful
Like procrastination, comparing ourselves to others, black and white thinking, over working, not resting, avoiding, overwhelming ourselves to the point we just freeze, perfectionism, analysis paralysis.
These are some of the big ones.
But think of all the smaller, more subtle ways we do this to ourselves that we aren’t conscious of.
When we have to get someone else’s opinion before making a decision.
Creating confusion for ourselves by listening to too many voices and not taking any action.
Not listening to that niggle in our gut.
Buying more and more courses without anything to make it easy for you to actually implement them.
Judging other people while fearing judgement ourselves.
Collecting qualifications (SOooo have to watch myself on this one!)
Needing to control everything.
Needing to please everyone.
Saying yes when you want to say no.
Not trusting OR being too trusting of others.
Scattered thinking trying ALL the things instead of sticking with something long enough to see progress.
Needing to be liked.
Blaming and making excuses.
These are all protection strategies in one way or another that stop us reaching our full potential…even though many of them do sneakily look like achievement.
Or like we’re the ones in the right.
Some of the behaviours might even look ‘good’ or ‘positive’ on the surface. But they DO hold you back and there’s a pay off in other areas.
For example, you might feel good and reward yourself for your drive and ambition, but it might also show up in taking too much on and burning yourself out because unconsciously you believe if you’re not ALWAYS in achieve mode…everything will fall apart around you.
It also stops you challenging anything.
Your thoughts influence your physiology and your emotions influence your thoughts. There’s constant messaging going on via your vagus nerve in your autonomic nervous system. 20% brain to body, 80% body to brain. You often FEEL it before you think it, all unconscious.
This stuff is wired into our nervous system at a deep level!
So no WONDER it can feel hard to change sometimes. Even when you consciously REALLY want something.
We create these thoughts and messages, and the baseline of safety in our nervous systems through our experiences.
How our needs were or weren’t met as children. Our attachment style, our traumas, genetics, epigenetics, what worked for us in the past to get us out of some sort of painful situation…even if we were only a small child at the time, it stays with us and affects us into adulthood.
The teacher who said you’ll never amount to anything or called you lazy.
The parents you saw work themselves into the ground and weren’t available to you.
The sibling who said you were ‘stupid’ or made digs at your appearance.
And all the stories these experiences created. All the things they made you believe about yourself, others and the world.
All the ways you created ‘safety’ for yourself.
We create stories about who we are and what we’re capable of throughout our lives based around ALL of this.
But we don’t consciously question it. Or even know that’s an option.
I see potential in every single person. Every single one.
Some people may feel like they are having to go harder against the grain than others but I wholeheartedly believe that everyone is capable of doing what they want to.
Achieving what they want to.
I believe every person is WAY more in control of their lives and outcomes than they think. They just don’t KNOW they’re walking around with all this potential bubbling away inside of them.
They don’t know how to access it, but it’s there.
So many of the reasons people don’t achieve their potential follow a very similar pattern.
Even though it’s TOTALLY different for each person in the way it might show up and the reasons why, there are many similarities.
So I thought I would share a few of the most common I see, so if any of them resonate, you can decide to take action!
Not making the unconscious conscious.
Believing your own negative hype. This is the BIGGEST one! Being ruled by unconscious programming.
Not seeking a support network.
Co-regulation is SO important when you want to make any change, or do things wildly outside your comfort zone. I’m so grateful for mine which is a mixture of friends who have businesses too. Mentors and coaches. Group programmes. I’m always surrounded by what I affectionately like to call ‘lifter uppers’ and ‘caller outers’!
Trying to do everything yourself.
I mean, does this require any explanation? This has always been a big one for my unconscious programming so I watch out for it. When you find a good VA, don’t let them go!
Being afraid of change.
Yes it can be scary, challenging, frustrating sometimes. But it’s also the most freeing thing you can do to do the deep work. You can never unlearn this stuff…in a REALLY good way!
Not seeking out mentors who’ve done what you want to do.
If you haven’t had what you want for your life modelled for you, how can you be expected to know what to do?
Believing in a lack of resources.
Time, money, support are the core ones. We always find the time and money for the things that are the most important to us. Even if it might take a bit of time, there is always a way. It just might not be obvious just yet. We can actively seek out resources!
Vague and fluffy reasons for why you want what they want.
If you don’t have honest clarity over what’s driving you, motivation and focus can be elusive.
Not taking responsibility.
This can be a hard one to swallow at times but fundamentally you’re the one that’s in control of your situation. Even if you’re telling yourself you’re not. Give yourself some credit. It may feel hard, but it’s incredibly empowering.
Surrounding yourself with people who don’t want them to grow.
Sometimes we can’t escape these people, I get it. You CAN limit your conversations around specific subjects with these people so they don’t get the opportunity to drag you back. BUT, more importantly it’s about surrounding yourself with the people who DO want you to grow and are invested in their own growth.
Being unwilling to do the deep work.
Stop chasing and prioritising the strategy. You will save yourself SO much time, money and energy if you do this bit first! I can promise you that. You can have all the strategy in the world, but if you don’t have your emotions and your unconscious programmes under control and don’t have the tools and techniques to manage them then you’ll keep butting up against them.
So, to reiterate. I 100% believe that EVERYONE has the ability to live up to their full potential. I believe people are capable of SO much more than they give themselves credit for.
But you have to know that you’re the one in control of that.
Fran Excell, Subconscious Success Mentor – Helping Business Owners Overcome Self Sabotage & Get More Done In Less Time at www.franexcell.com
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