Who’s beliefs have you borrowed?
We can talk about borrowed beliefs in a couple of ways.
The traditional meaning of borrowed beliefs is when other people around you believe in you when you don’t believe in yourself and you ‘borrow’ that belief to do the thing you want to do.
Think of it like personal training. How much further do you go when you have someone saying’ you can do it’, ‘you’ve so got this’, ‘keep going, don’t give up’
I’ve been having personal training sessions lately and it really is a game changer. The limits I’m able to push through purely with having someone supporting me and telling me I can do it are astounding.
This works across all areas of your life.
How different do you feel when you have to have a difficult conversation and until someone close to you gives you that pep talk telling you how capable you are of handling whatever the outcome may be.
How much of a difference does it make to how you feel and what you’re capable of doing?
Have a think of some instances where you haven’t had that support. Those beliefs in you to borrow while your confidence grows.
How far have you got with that thing?
Did you do it? Did you quit? Are you still trying but feeling like you’re not getting very far?
There’s no judgement to be made here from me or yourself, this is a very very human thing to do.
We just tend to underestimate the importance of having those borrowed beliefs.
The coaches, the mentors, the colleagues, the friends, the people who get it and get you.
We NEED those people, and there’s no shame in that.
Who picks you up when you’re having a wobble?
I always say to clients I’m there to believe in you when you don’t believe in yourself. Who does that for you?
Wobbles are such a normal part of life, in all aspects of life at some point. But we grow in community. When we isolate ourselves, when we don’t share what’s going on for us, we deny ourselves the ability to borrow other people’s beliefs for a minute.
That might be just the thing you need to get you moving again.
The biggest question here is who do you have around you that’s giving you that?
The second way we can look at borrowed beliefs are all the unconscious assumptions of truth that we make in our day to day lives.
Most of them are ‘borrowed’ from other people, not formed by us through conscious thought.
We’ve inherited them from parents, grandparents, siblings, friends, teachers, school, media, we borrow them as truth from everywhere and often don’t question them.
Then they’re running in the background all day every day, affecting our behaviour.
These will be beliefs about yourself, others and the world.
Ideas around who you are. What’s safe or not safe. What’s possible or not possible.
So what works for the positive, also works for the negative.
This is why we need to make the unconscious conscious. We’re walking around with a TONNE of beliefs that were never ours in the first place.
These affect everything we do. Some serve us, some really do the opposite.
Once they’re in there, while they remain unconscious your brain and nervous system do everything they can to prove them right, and then get you to repeat them because there’s safety in the familiar.
So…Your brain doesn’t align your beliefs to fit your life, it aligns your life to fit your beliefs.
So we have to beware the power of an unrecognised belief.
These will have been beliefs borrowed about our relationships, our career, our friendships, how the world works, money, parenting, everything.
The biggest problem with this is it stops you seeing opportunities. It stops you seeing other potential ways to do things.
If you have borrowed a belief that business is supposed to be hard, or making money is supposed to be hard. That’s exactly what you’ll get.
Everything will fit around that.
So how do we get around this?
So, we know what to do with borrowing beliefs from others when you’re having a wobble or your belief in yourself is slipping.
Really ask ourselves who gives us that?
Who believes in us when we don’t believe in ourselves?
And if no one comes up the next step is to find those people.
Whether it’s a coach, community, therapist, friends. It doesn’t matter who. It’s their belief in you that matters.
Next up is what to do with all these potentially unhelpful borrowed beliefs.
The same applies here. Finding someone who will help you find them.
Someone who will hold up the mirror.
Someone who will highlight what might not be helpful for you.
Again, where that’s with me on one of my VIP days or in The Positive Pants Toolkit Membership, Or me, Abi and Dawni in The Mentorship, or another coach, mentor, therapist, a community, a friend, a loved one. I’d say this one didn’t matter who but that wouldn’t be true.
For this one you really do need to have a certain level of trust with someone to be able to talk openly and vulnerably to them for them to be able to help you highlight what’s not serving you.
But it can absolutely be done.
You can start by coaching yourself and asking yourself what your beliefs are around one particular thing, grab your journal and write them down.
Are they true?
Who’s was it in the first place?
What do YOU believe now?
It requires some digging but it’s transformative.
Both of these are important to be aware of so you can make sure you’re always operating from the most helpful beliefs and the most beneficial beliefs for you.
So who’s belief are you going to borrow today?
Fran Excell, Success Mindset Mentor at www.franexcell.com – Helping Business Owners & Executives Overcome Stress & Self Sabotage so they can get back their time, get off the emotional rollercoaster and feel more in control.
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