Who do you want to be?
Big existential question for you this week, but an important one.
With a little follow up question.
Who do you want to be, and does your behaviour currently reflect that person?
As always, we’re looking at this with curiosity not judgement.
So few of us really stop and take a look at the answers to these but they hold the key to so much of what you want in your life and in your business.
Who do you want to be as a business owner?
Who do you want to be as a parent?
Who do you want to be as a friend?
Who do you want to be as a romantic partner?
Who do you want to be as an employee?
Who do you want to be as a client?
The answers to who do you want to be in those areas is one thing, but are your actions and behaviours actually reflecting that, and therefore making it possible?
The answers to these questions also give you some clues as to why you might beat yourself up in your own head.
So many of us look at other people and wish we had what they had, that might be personality traits, material things, friends.
We don’t tend to stop and think about if our actions are allowing us to move closer towards who we want to be.
This makes sense when we’re wired to repeat the familiar.
Regardless of whether something is good or bad for us.
Until we have the awareness to consciously look at our own behaviour and take responsibility for it we haven’t got a chance of changing it.
Awareness of what’s stopping you having what you want is the first key to everything. I dedicate an entire module in my SOS! (Success Over Stress) programme just to this piece of the puzzle.
The reality is, we can be who we want to be. Of course I’m talking about traits, attributes, behaviours, ways of thinking. As much as I’d like to be J Lo.
We just have to start by creating the awareness of the behaviours and traits we WANT and that help us move closer to what we want. And the ones that hold us back.
Then we have the power of conscious choice. We’ll be able to operate from our prefrontal cortex, the CEO of the brain responsible for rational, conscious choice and decision making. We’ll be able to consciously choose to go against our current programming and wire in new neural pathways for the behaviours that we do want.
The behaviours that will actually get us closer to our goals.
I know this not just from my thousands of hours of study, qualifications and client work, I’ve done it myself.
I was tired of having no self esteem and lacking confidence. I was tired of always feeling like an outsider and the most negative one in the room.
I didn’t want to be that person anymore.
It wasn’t doing me any good and was causing me pain on a daily basis.
There is a trick to this though. You can’t just wake up and be a totally different person and have let go of all your programming and foibles overnight.
So what if you aimed for 1% closer.
What if you decided to just make one decision per day towards what you want.
We have to create safety for our nervous system. I’m always saying to all my clients and in the mentorship and the toolkit, softly, softly, catchy monkey. Bit by bit. We call it titration. The idea of adding just a little bit at a time.
But you have to be clear on what that is first.
So what needs to happen for you to be that person?
What needs to STOP happening for you to be that person?
There’s so much gold in the answers to these questions when you use it as an exercise of clarity, curiosity and consciousness rather than an exercise in seeking your shortcomings and flogging yourself for having them in the first place.
Newsflash, nobody is perfect and we ALL have flaws.
So think about the kind of person you want to be in any one of the areas I mentioned earlier. How would the person you want to be show up in interactions with other people, and themselves?
Would they be kind? Confident? Compassionate?
Maybe they would be disciplined and focused?
In moments where you’re faced with a choice it’s asking better questions of yourself.
It’s being able to go, how would a confident person behave right now?
Or how would a kind person behave right now?
Or how would a compassionate person behave right now?
We have WAY more control over how we show up as humans than we give ourselves credit for.
Think of it another way. Who COULD you be?
What does the best version of you look like?
And what actions can you take towards that?
While you’re here, and talking of figuring out who you want to be, I’m VERY excited to let you know that the next cohort of The Mentorship is open for enrollment.
The Mentorship is something I’m incredibly proud of creating with the incredible Abi Huge of @thewhitethistle and Dawni Baxter of @beyond_thedawn.
It’s our 6 month hybrid mentorship programme where you get all 3 of us tightly in your corner for 6 months.
We’ve created something we believe to be different. We saw a lot of big programmes or masterminds that we felt were missing the real support that people need when you’re running and upscaling a business.
So with all 3 of us you get all our knowledge and experience and super powers to really drive you forwards.
You also have us and the rest of your cohort to get you through the inevitable wobbles. To ask for feedback. To sense check things. To get a loving pick up the butt or a huge hug, support and understanding.
One of the first things we do is help you figure out how you’re going to make your investment back.
We’re all there to believe in you when you don’t believe in yourself. To celebrate (or point out!) your wins and achievements.
We’ve had people in this round double their business, realise their business wasn’t serving them and do a total pivot to something that’s far more aligned, finally niche down to something that feels good, have huge growth in confidence and showing up, successful launches, new ideal clients, and SO much more!
There’s a lot of in person in this programme too because we believe it’s HUGELY important. Something magic happens with in person connection so we have our 5 day in person retreat in the UK in June. There WILL be a hot tub, that’s where all the good chats happen!
We’ve taken school holidays and all the fun that brings into account in the structure, we’ve got an in person day in September and another to round us off in December.
It’s truly led by the people that are in it. Meaning, we give you what you need. If there’s something the 3 of us can’t cover, we’ll bring someone in.
Connection, accountability, clarity, honesty, support, learning, action taking, getting the fudge out of your own way.
We think this programme is incredibly special so if you’d like to know more the link is in the show notes, in my bio on instagram (along with its own highlight on my profile) and you can email the word Mentorship to firstname.lastname@example.org and I’ll send everything over.
It starts on the 7th June and there’s only 7 slots left.
Fran Excell, Success Mindset Mentor at www.franexcell.com – Helping Business Owners & Executives Overcome Stress & Self Sabotage so they can get back their time, get off the emotional rollercoaster and feel more in control.
Check out The Positive Pants Podcast Here
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