Without exceptions, nobody has it together all the time.
So why do you think you have to?!
What does it even mean to you to have your stuff together?
That’s going to look different for everyone.
For me it’s about resilience. It’s not necessarily about having everything you ever wanted but it’s knowing you’re working towards it, even if there are a few bumps and bruises along the way.
What is it for you?
Grab your journal and really get into it and write down what ‘having your stuff together’ really means and looks like for you.
Feel free to pause, I’ll wait.
Now look at what you’ve written.
Is it actually realistic?
Do you know anyone, personally, not on the interwebs, who meets the criteria?
I wonder, what would they say if you told them that’s how you see them?
These are the day to day assumptions that wreak havoc on our self esteem, self worth and mental health that NEED to be challenged and picked apart.
If we can remove the immense pressure we put on ourselves, how different would things look?
Do you think you might be more accepting?
More forgiving towards yourself?
I describe myself as someone who has their stuff together, even when they don’t have their stuff together.
What do I mean by that?
For me having your stuff together actually means knowing and recognising when you don’t! Then being able to do what you need to do to prioritise yourself and your own wellbeing. To do the things that you know are good for you and know that everything is going to work out just fine.
So really I see it as not having your stuff together at all ha! Quite freeing when you think about it.
Right now, on paper I do NOT have my stuff together.
Pretty much every key area of my life is in flux, or limbo as i’ve been saying.And i’ve been doing a tremendous amount of #adulting.
There are so many things I DON’T have control over right now because you can never have control over other people…no matter how much you might like to. Being accepting of that is a skill you can learn. Trust me on this ha!
The amount of huge things I’ve been through this year is bananas and unpredicted.
BUT, so many people have said to me things like, ‘How do you have such a positive outlook on this?’ ‘How are you so calm, you seem in a really good place?’ and ‘You’re handling it really well!’
Because I am…most of the time. I’m very very honest that there are many MANY human moments along the way.
There have been days where things have seemed hopeless and even when I’ve said that, I knew I didn’t really mean it and I was just having a human moment…and they are allowed!
But there are days where all I see is possibility.
All I see is the opportunity and the growth and potential and I find that magical.
It tends to be out of the hardest things that come the best things and I hold on to that.
I’m very self aware and always approach things with curiosity over judgement. Sometimes other people have a harder time with my emotions than I do because they don’t know how to handle them.
But that doesn’t matter, I don’t judge them for that. But I also don’t take on that opinion just because it’s theirs.
I don’t push away my emotions because I know that’s the quickest way through them and to process them.
Most of society have been trained to shun their negative emotions and panic a little in the face of someone else’s. Big emotions can make other people uncomfortable and that’s ok.
But never, ever tell yourself that they shouldn’t be there because they are all clues and messages for something that needs to be dealt with head on, or it’s just going to stick around and get louder until you pay attention!
Gotta feel it to heal it!
It’s FAR too easy to look at the curated versions of people on the internet and make huge assumptions that they have it good all the time. They don’t.
They’re dealing with the same amount of humanity as you are! They are lying if they say otherwise.
It’s about how you look at and recover from these moments that is the difference that makes the difference and that’s what you’re looking for.
Not the absence of them. Or to have your stuff together all the time.
It doesn’t matter how much you know you will always have human moments, thoughts, beliefs, reactions.
We’ve just been programmed for far too long that these things are undesirable.
And it’s, as always, completely nuanced.
Because we all have different unconscious programming and experiences.
So how could people with all of that going on ever look at things in exactly the same way?
There’s always ALWAYS nuance to it.
This is where values, opinions, beliefs all come into play to make you the beautiful, perfectly imperfect, flawed and nuanced individual that you are.
And that should be celebrated.
All of this unconscious stuff that we add on top is what causes the issues and when you can look at that with honesty and curiosity about what’s there. What stories, beliefs, thoughts and attitudes are underneath the feelings that’s where you can create huge change.
So much of what we really want in life is about acceptance. We have to accept ourselves, in all our glorious humanity first.
Be kind to yourself today and see what happens!
Fran Excell, Success Mindset Mentor at www.franexcell.com – Helping Business Owners & Executives Overcome Stress & Self Sabotage so they can get back their time, get off the emotional rollercoaster and feel more in control.
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