How Do YOU get validation?
How do you get validation? What are your markers for feeling validated?
The reason I want to talk about this today is because it’s something I talk about ALL the time with private clients and my friends in the industry. I haven’t had a rant about it on here for a while.
I’m so tired of the completely random and quite frankly ridiculous metrics that have been plucked out of the air for business owners.
Ohhhhh yes i’m talking about the ‘£10k months’ and the need to label yourself by your income.
Why does it incense me so?
Because it causes people to feel less than. Not just before they’ve hit six figures, but at every step of the way!
So you feel not good enough before you make six figures. Then for a minute you get to say ‘yeay i’m a six figure business owner!’
Then what happens?
You STILL compare to the next level and feel not good enough until you get THERE!
Then it’s the ‘oh, but i’m not a multi six figure business owner’. And of course you can’t be happy until you get there.
‘Oh but I’m not a seven figure business owner.’ So you’re not happy until you get there! Then onto the multi seven figures and the cycle continues.
When does it stop?
It doesn’t…unless you get a hold of this unconscious pattern of validating yourself by what you earn and remind yourself that metric didn’t come from you in the first place.
I would LOVE to find the person who picked these numbers out of the air and give them a good shake.
You are valid whether you make an extra £5k per year from a side hustle or you’re at multiple seven figures.
You’re doing hard things. You did something yourself, and someone paid you for it. THAT’S AMAZING!
If we all stay in this cycle of not feeling good enough until we hit certain milestones you’re never going to live a happy and fulfilled life.
You need to let go of other people’s ‘stuff’ and work from your OWN success metrics!
The amount of people I’ve spoken to who are earning around £20-30k and are crying because they feel so awful about that is not ok.
Let me put this into perspective…you went and started a business, by yourself, and grew it to a place that a huge amount of the population aren’t earning in a job.
You get to feel AMAZING about that because it IS amazing! This stuff is HARD!
The fact that people will feel anything short of amazing because they’ve earned £99,999 is also bonkers to me!
Would you be earning that in a job right now? Would you have been earning that in your previous profession?
You might have…but the likely answer is no. And if you would have I would like to add in, did you make your own schedule? Did you get to work from home around your family?
We have to stop the madness.
For me my success metrics are can I rest when I need to? Can I work when I want to? Can I work the hours I want to? Can I work where I want to? Do I have flexibility? Can I work only a few days per week? Can I switch up my schedule when I want to? Am I doing something I love? Can I look after my own wellbeing? Can I spend time with the people I want to?
Of COURSE the money is nice. There’s no denying that. But you have to look at the bigger picture.
But I also validate myself. I don’t allow other people to do that. If they want to, that’s up to them and none of my business.
I validate myself by living by my values. By always trying to be a good person. Being kind. Being empathetic. By being human.
You have to understand this random metric for success isn’t real.
There are plenty of people who might look down on people who aren’t making six figures yet. That’s unfortunate. But I promise you, if you’re listening to this…those people are not your people. Those people are A holes.
Would people behave like that in salaried jobs? Probably not…it’s way more taboo to talk about money in that way. But those people might validate themselves by their job title too.
It’s all about hierarchy….but no one gets to tell you where you ‘rank’.
Ask yourself what happens when you hit the magic six figures or £10k months?
What actually happens?
Do you get let into some sort of club?
Are you automatically accepted into the cool kids gang?
What changes in your personality?
What changes in terms of how you see yourself?
Will you automatically feel successful? Good enough?
The work needs to be around how you see yourself. Not how you’re allowing external things to validate you and your worth.
You’re worthy at any level. You deserve happiness at any level. You can find it at any level.
So my question for you is can you recognise how far you’ve come? Can you allow yourself to objectively take a step back?
It’s so easy to get caught up in the hype. Don’t allow other people to tell you you aren’t valuable until you hit some made up level of success.
What is success to you?
What does it actually look like?
Why do you have the financial goals you have? If you hadn’t heard it peddled to you constantly in the online space, would that still be your goal?
It’s great to strive for things. It’s great to know what’s possible.
But it’s not ok to shame yourself until you get there.
And also recognising that sometimes not having it can actually be a choice!
As an example, you can know that a seven figure business is absolutely possible for you. But is it what you want based on what you want your life to look like?
At the end of the day you’ll sabotage yourself anyway trying to get to a goal that really, unconsciously, you don’t want…but the funny thing we so often do is beat ourselves up for not being there…even though we actually don’t want to be!
So please, grab your journal and really think about why you want that goal. What are you making it mean if you get it, what are you making it mean if you don’t.
Can you allow yourself to enjoy the journey and celebrate all the beautiful milestones along the way? Knowing you’re working towards something that is totally possible for you, but you’re doing it around your life, your values, your rules and not being there yet does not validate you.
You get to want whatever goals you want. No one else gets to judge them as less than. No one else gets to judge them at all, they’re yours!
Keep going, but enjoy the journey.
Fran Excell, Subconscious Success Mentor – Helping Business Owners Overcome Stress & Self Sabotage at www.franexcell.com
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