As humans I think we love to over complicate things and make them harder than they need to be.
Business, success, relationships, making money…
The same thing applies to doing what needs to be done to make us feel good.
…And NOT doing the things that make us feel bad.
There’s this tendency to ignore the easy stuff and think that because it’s easy it’s probably not going to have a big impact.
This conditioning that things that we want are ‘hard’ and ‘difficult’ to come by.
Like there’s this missing piece of the puzzle or some ‘secret’ that we’re just not in on.
But the reality is, we all already have the answers. We know them.
We just don’t TRUST them, or ourselves.
We’re constantly seeking something else rather than using what we already know.
Seeking what’s ‘wrong’ with us when the reality is, often we just haven’t been doing the easy things that we know make us feel good.
We haven’t been looking after ourselves.
We’ve been chasing that next destination in our lives, wishing it would just happen.
But doing the things we know make us feel good can feel easier said than done sometimes right?
When people start talking about self care I often see one of three things.
Self care has unfortunately become one of those wishy washy things that just gets ignored now.
It’s lost it’s ‘oh that makes TOTAL sense, of COURSE’ and become a fad.
It’s been bandied about without an explanation of really why it’s important, and also why it’s FUNDAMENTAL to any successful business.
Even if you DO manage to get into a bit of a routine and start those positive habits and start seeing how good it is for you, it’s the first thing to get struck off when you’re busy or in a funk.
Oh the irony..because it’s the very thing that makes things feel easier when you’re stressed….hello yoga, meditation, being in nature and walking.
And an easy way to state change when you’re in a funk, sat staring at a blinking cursor.
AND often EXACTLY what’s needed if you’ve been burning the candle at both ends in your business.
Everyone else’s version of self care will look different so don’t get caught in the comparison trap.
What’s self care to one person may be torture to another.
But it’s SUCH an easy way to get back on track and feel better so you can go do the things!
The easy things are the way through!
So why do we do this to ourselves?!
There are SO many reasons why we ignore the easy things. It can feel as if we’re totally blind to them sometimes.
One reason is often a belief that we don’t deserve to feel good.
When we’re in those negative thought loops and beating ourselves up for being stressed or overwhelmed or self sabotaging, it’s really easy to see why we wouldn’t think, ‘oh, maybe I need to look after myself more’.
It’s just not the first obvious, logical thought.
Why would it be when the thoughts are more along the lines of ‘you’re useless’, ‘who do you think you are to be doing this’, ‘you’re an imposter’ *insert yours here!
So the morning routine goes out the window, the snooze alarm gets pressed, the extra coffee or glass of wine creeps in which has a knock on effect on your day and your week.
It’s an easy pattern to slip into but then we wonder why we feel even WORSE.
It’s as if sometimes we want to unconsciously punish ourselves a little.
Consciously we’re saying we want to feel good, but the behaviours we’re displaying are the opposite of that.
OR the negative habits are masquerading themselves as a ‘treat’ because you feel bad…and there’s that slippery slope again. The junk food, the vino, the Netflix binge…
Another reason is it can be a little ‘inner child’ temper tantrum.
You start looking at the things you know you ‘should’ do and it’s as if your inner child goes ‘NOPE’, stamps her feet and does the opposite…just because she can.
Another reason is we’re not motivated to put the effort in. The reward doesn’t seem to quite stack up.
Fundamentally we’re addicted to where we are in some way. It’s familiar. It’s safe.
We could be scared of what’s on the other side of feeling good. The lack of stories and excuses fade away leaving you with the conscious choice to do the work or not do the work.
You’re not going to be able to make good decisions from a negative place and it’s easy to stay there because of the positive payback it gives us, whether it’s conscious or unconscious it’s there.
We resist going out of our comfort zones for fear of what’s on the other side.
Often we’re scared of actually having the very thing we’re working towards.
You can see just how important this inner work is and to figure out what’s at the root cause of the behaviour.
What’s the underlying belief here?
Observe your thoughts. Be a fly on the wall in your noggin and notice what’s going on for you.
There are times when we want and/or need a little momentary pity party but what’s KEEPING you there?
Sometimes it’s our mind body’s way of getting you to slooooooooow down.
But if it’s been going on for days or weeks you know there’s likely to be more to it.
What’s going on for you at the moment? Are you under pressure in a different area of your life?
Is there something you’re avoiding?
Do you have someone else’s critical voice going round your head?
What do you notice?
Notice it without judgement, create that awareness so you can make a new more conscious decision around what you want to do.
Have you been avoiding the easy things…what excuses and stories have you told yourself as to why?
The first thing to go are the things we look at and know will make us feel better…but it’s too ‘easy’.
It can’t be the thing to get you out of this massive slump right?
These things aren’t supposed to feel like chores to get through but in those moments that they DO feel like that, connect back to how you feel after you do them usually.
Remind yourself how much more balanced, productive, happy, positive you are.
What needs to happen to get you back on track?
What negative habits have slipped back in for you?
Most importantly don’t beat yourself up for it. Just notice it.
Trust and know that those little easy things can often be the things that make the biggest difference.
I see it all the time with clients. Often they’re unaware they’ve stopped doing those things and then they get themselves back on track super quickly.
It’s why unconscious behaviour is so pesky….it’s unconscious!!
We can’t see it unless it’s pointed out or we intentionally look for it.
It’s not your fault.
But if you’re feeling a bit off, or in a funk you can’t seem to shake.
Ask yourself what easy positive things that make you feel good have you stopped doing?
What negative habits that make you feel bad have crept back in?
What is it in defence of?
A little trick I always use if things have got on top of me or things are outside of my control.
Close your eyes and take a minute and ask, What do I need right now and what do I want?
P.S – Last question…Are you sick of self sabotaging and procrastinating on getting your business going? Would you like to learn some practical strategies to stop you procrastinating WHEN it happens so you can FINALLY get the things you NEED to do DONE? Download my FREE guide below and I’ll show you 5 simple strategies to stop procrastination in its tracks!
Check out The Positive Pants Podcast here
Fran Excell, Mindset & Productivity Coach – Helping Business Owners Overcome Self Sabotage & Get More Done In Less Time at www.franexcell.com
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© 2023 Fran Excell. Success mindset mentor for entrepreneurs & executives.