Something that I see with, pretty much, every single client I work with that has a personal service based business is this underlying feeling of a ‘need’ to always be perfect at what they teach or do.
I also see it a lot in management in the corporate world too.
Today I’m calling BS on it.
It’s a bonkers, unrealistic expectation.
For a business coach to always have the answer in their own business, for someone who teaches parenting to always be the perfect parent, for someone who teaches mindset to always have the perfect mindset.
Let’s put this in some perspective shall we?
I believe all good coaches have coaches or support of some kind.
I think it’s always a good question to ask when you’re choosing your own coach or mentor.
Business coaches will have other business coaches and mentors to learn from.
People who work in mindset can’t see their own unconscious blocks….that’s the point…it’s unconscious!
If something is hiding where you’re not looking you’re not going to find it are you?!
If you already knew everything, how would you learn?
Who would you learn from?
How would you ever grow?
Sometimes something is so deeply hidden by our ego we just can’t see it ourselves, no matter how hard we’re looking.
It’s as if the more you look the more elusive that pesky unconscious belief is that’s getting in your way.
I have psychologists, mindset coaches and therapists as clients.
It could trigger me that perhaps they know more about certain things than me.
They hire me based on my ability to help them. It’s not about comparing letters after our names.
And as an eternal student I get EASILY sucked in to that sometimes.
The need for more and more qualifications.
Real world experience has a huge amount of influence over how you work.
It’s time we all stop judging ourselves so harshly.
If there’s an obvious knowledge gap, fill it!
But don’t deny yourself help, support and growth because your ego gets in the way.
I actually love the fact I don’t know it all because this field of human behaviour seriously fascinates me. I LOVE learning more.
At the moment I’m looking into the mind body connection a lot so I’m looking at things like Kinesiology, breathwork, Tai Chi, Qigong to name a few…and in typical Fran style I’m looking for the ways to bring it down to earth a bit.
Practical woo if you like!
Love me some hard evidence!
I’m definitely thinking about how I can incorporate some of these things into my work. But for me it’s about being an eternal student.
It’s about being aware that you don’t know what you don’t know and watching out for triggers.
But also not seeing them as negative things.
Learning and honing your skills is an ongoing journey, whatever field you’re in.
I had a corker recently, I was working on one belief that I’d unearthed…and another completely random….never thought there was even a hint of an issue…kind of belief came up that made SO much sense in SO many different parts of my life.
A HUGE one!
Linked to so many other things.
Now, I could have easily left it where it was…nice and comfy cozy in my unconscious.
But if I tackle it….magic is gonna happen!
I’m not here for mediocre and I hope you aren’t either because you deserve SO much more.
I never would have found that by myself!
I have a rule of not sharing issues before they’re worked on because I want you to learn the lessons…not leave you high and dry going ‘OH GOD ME TOO I HAVE THAT…now what?!’ but I know there will be a lot of you who can relate….it’s a super personal subject so i’ll be asking the family to avoid those episodes ha!…SO I promise I will share more in the future because it’s a doozy!
It’s not related to business at all (everything always links back to it in some way though because life is SO interconnected) but i’m finding it SO fascinating and eye opening.
Its hard work of course, it takes a lot of energy and it’s really not fun to look at this stuff sometimes…but I LOVE this stuff.
It’s the next layer of the onion I keep talking about.
It fits in really nicely with why I wanted to do this episode for you.
Pretty much every single person who works in mindset that comes to me, in our first session, without fail it’s as if they feel the need to explain that it’s ‘the last thing’ that needs sorting that’s standing in their way.
It’s as if there’s an expectation that they would always have the perfect mindset and behaviour and SHOULDN’T have their own struggles in life and certainly shouldn’t be talking to another mindset coach about mindset!
There’s ALWAYS something else to work on, ALWAYS another layer but that’s the good stuff because each one goes that little bit deeper.
I spend a small fortune on my own personal development (Courses, qualifications, my coach etc) because I love it, it fascinates me. But it also makes me better at what I do.
I don’t profess to know all the answers. None of us can. NONE of us.
If we start believing we should, we’ll never get better at what we do.
We’ll always feel like we need to hide elements of ourselves. Our shadow comes out to play.
When we suppress it or ignore it our struggles will go on longer than they need to because we put off getting someone to help us work on it.
It’s time to let go of the need to have ALL the answers.
There are days when you simply won’t practice what you preach. You’ll get lazy because it can be hard work, you’ll fall into old habits because you’re tired, or you’re triggered.
You’re a human being and we all have off days. Give yourself a break for the love of all things holy!
Our mess is our message right, it’s so often that you teach what you need to learn.
That’s what continuing development is for.It keeps us doing the work on the thing we need to the most.
We all have our Ego, we all have our unconscious programming and triggers.
Where you go in times of stress is often back to old unconscious patterns that served you well in the past.
You have to have compassion for yourself here. If you’re listening and resonating please do reach out and let me know because this needs to stop.
This shame around not knowing everything and being seen to be perfect.
This is why I talk about my patterns, my bad days, issues that come up for me. It’s important to have the full picture.
I’m constantly saying the same thing to my clients too when they beat themselves up for having a bad day.
You’re human, you need polarity so you can appreciate the good stuff and live with gratitude. Let go of unrealistic expectations of yourself.
You can’t give yourself a good haircut, let someone else hold the mirror for you. Have someone hold you accountable to yourself.
If you shut down being open to learn from other people in your field, you stunt your own growth and development.
You strive to be an expert and you’re actively stopping yourself getting there.
You slow down your own growth.
Everyone needs at the very least a sounding board. The ability to sense check things.
So give yourself a break.
You will NOT be PERFECT at what you teach all day every day because you’re a human being.
Can you imagine being at the stage where you didn’t need to learn more about what you do?
It’s bonkers to think it’s possible.
How boring would it be?!
Continued professional and personal development is part of the fun of having your own business.
You see the evidence of “you teach best what you need to learn most” which is a quote from Richard Bach, everywhere.
Most people that do have a story of how they overcame something big and that’s how they go on to teach it…me included. But they continue to learn and grow.
This stuff doesn’t stop.
That’s a good thing.
You’d stagnate if it did!
You actively learn more when teaching others too. When there’s a question you can’t quite answer what do you do? You go research it and find the answer…but you CAN be honest about not having it at that moment.
Just make sure your prices are in line with your level of expertise, that you have the support you need and you’re good to go….without the imposter syndrome!
So seek the help and support you need.
Don’t stay stuck because you feel you shouldn’t be.
P.S – Last question…Are you sick of self sabotaging and procrastinating on getting your business going? Would you like to learn some practical strategies to stop you procrastinating WHEN it happens so you can FINALLY get the things you NEED to do DONE? Download my FREE guide below and I’ll show you 5 simple strategies to stop procrastination in its tracks!
Check out The Positive Pants Podcast here
Fran Excell, Mindset & Productivity Coach – Helping Business Owners Overcome Self Sabotage & Get More Done In Less Time at www.franexcell.com
Apply for The Proactive Pants Mastermind here
© 2023 Fran Excell. Success mindset mentor for entrepreneurs & executives.