Why Do I Find It So Hard to Rest?

Why Do I Find It So Hard to Rest?

Why do you find it so hard to rest?

Who said you ‘shouldn’t’ rest?

Who let you think or believe that resting, taking ‘you’ time, or actually getting enough sleep was a negative thing?

Really sit with that for a second.

If you’ve been with me a while you’ll know that so much of our behaviour is driven by things that were never our thoughts or beliefs in the first place.  

They were never ours to take on.

But we do, because we’re human, and we often take them on before we have the brain development to even question whether it’s true for us, or if there might be another truth available to us.

Hustle culture has a huge amount to answer for in this respect.  

It demonises rest.  

Gives you the message that if you’re not hustling (ergo, if you’re resting!) then you’re not trying hard enough.  

Then you’re lazy.  

Then you’re not made out for success.

That you aren’t now, nor will you have success in the future.

The messaging is rife, it’s toxic and in all honesty it’s dangerous.

And, something that is now the polar opposite to how I live and plan my life now ha! 

That definitely wasn’t always the case.  I bought into it most of my life.

Particularly in corporate. If your boss thinks you’re not busy, if you don’t have just that little bit too much on your plate then obviously you aren’t up for the job.  Aren’t up to the task at hand.  Certainly not that you’re just super efficient or anything like that ha!

I’m no stranger to hard work.  It has been drummed into me since I was a child too.

I saw my Dad working all hours at his job.  

So you learn that success, or making a decent living, can only come from working your butt to the bone.

Late nights. Bringing your work home. Never ending to do lists.

And you don’t question it.

My driving force in life is peace, ease and flexibility.  

That doesn’t mean I’ll win at that every single time, it doesn’t mean there aren’t times when a little hustling is required. 

But it does mean it’s what I value above all else. I love money don’t get me wrong…just never to the detriment to my peace, ease and flexibility in life.

It also means it shapes the decisions I make.  The things I say yes or no to.  

It means that I’m clear on what fits in with those values and drivers and what doesn’t AND if I compromise on them too much I know I’ll get myself in a pickle and will be annoyed that I didn’t listen to my spidey senses.  

I still occasionally get this wrong when sometimes the thing you’re saying no to, to be able to say yes to peace, ease and flexibility, is oh so shiny! But I definitely learn valuable lessons if that happens.

It also means I know when in my diary I’m going to need to put a little extra rest time in or block out my diary from ‘peopling’ to recharge the batteries.

It really helps me shape the life I want to be living.

I always block out my diary from Xmas eve, through the whole festive season and the first 2 weeks of January. That’s a given.  

BUT this year I’ve realised actually I want the week in the lead up to Christmas off too so i’ve already blocked that out too.

I know after a year of supporting other people this is my support to myself. Proper time out. And what better time than when other people are doing the same thing…easy win!

There are times when I know I’m launching too so I need to do a little more hustling than I usually would, the odd evening or weekend, so I’ll block time off after that too.  Or if I’m going to in person events I know I need a little recharge time. (where are my fellow extroverted introverts at?!)

Three times per week I’m in the gym or pool for the mornings and then I work from the attached manor house bar which is super luxurious and quiet and I get WAY more done in that time than I would at home.

If you’ve been following my instagram you’ll know I’ve not been well for the last couple of weeks and it’s taught me some really valuable lessons.

Slap bang in my launch for The Positive Pants Toolkit app and community I caught Covid.  It turned into Labyrinthitis which is no fun at all, it’s an inner ear infection that’s a cross between vertigo and tinnitus.  Basically it feels like your brain is made of cotton wool and like you’ve been out clubbing all night boozing too hard and standing too close to the speakers. 

It’s annoying.

But the only way to get over it is to surrender to it.  Nap when your body is telling you to and take advantage of any little energy bursts, but know a crash is probably going to come right after. 

It would be SOOOOO easy to be frustrated when you have all these plans in place and you can’t do things the way you wanted to.  And I’ve definitely had moments of that because I’m human and it’s disappointing to put all that hard work into something and not be able to put everything into it that you thought you would.  Your feelings are always valid. But you get to course correct from that place of acceptance, surrender and awareness

I could have stayed in the frustration that this thing I’d worked up to for MONTHS to launch something I was so proud of and tried to push through it but it only would have made me worse.

I talked about this in my email to my list last week.  So I thought I’d dig in a little deeper to it today because it’s actually really important to talk about our unconscious programming around rest because I see it get people into a far worse situation than they would have been had they just leaned into the desire for rest.

We have to watch out for what we make rest mean.

A few examples I hear that trip people up is often around the belief that self care is selfish.

Another is the phrase, ‘no rest for the wicked’.  The idea that you have to carry on even when you’re tired.

Another is the suggestion that if you have ‘time’ to rest then it means you’re not successful.  Because busy-ness is unconsciously directly related to success in your mind, or the mind of others.

I had to unlearn all of this too.

It’s RIFE in both the corporate world and the online business world.  That perception is everything, therefore you MUST be busy in order for others to perceive you to be successful.  And it’s such utter rubbish. In my work I have to help people undo this programming all the time!  People come to me desperate to get out of the perpetual stress and burnout pattern and learn how to actually feel safe taking rest and looking after themselves. 

I had to re-learn how to listen to my body too.

If your body is telling you you need rest…you should probably listen.

If it’s telling you that ALL the time I would absolutely go have a chat to your GP and make sure there’s nothing else going on there!

But when you don’t listen and you ignore the need to rest, you’re just going to head for burnout, your body will FORCE you to listen and it’ll be far worse than if you’d just adapted in the first place.

So next time you find yourself in a position where you feel like you really need a rest or a break. What happens if you actually GIVE yourself that.

What’s the WORST thing that could happen if you allow that?

I basically slept my way through my launch and still hit my goals.  I’ve also realised through being ill how much time I actually NEED to spend on my business every week vs the story i might be telling myself.

Sure if you did the bare minimum EVERY week you’d probably struggle to grow and perhaps hit your goals, BUT…you CAN do it and I bet your minimum it’s way less than you’re telling yourself.

Take some time to really notice your relationship to the hustle.  

What are you making it mean if you do or don’t hustle?  Or do or don’t take time for rest and time off?  

Are you making a direct correlation between your busy-ness and lack of rest and how successful YOU feel or you think others think you are?

Call yourself out on the BS my love. Time to get honest with yourself…and go have a glorious power nap if you need one! Might go have one myself!

Fx

Fran Excell, Success Mindset Mentor at www.franexcell.com – Helping Business Owners Overcome Stress & Self Sabotage so they can get back their time and feel more in control. 

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