What if the journey to where you want to go is better than the destination itself?
I was talking over on Instagram last week about the focus we have on where we aren’t yet, instead of allowing ourselves to actually acknowledge how far we’ve come.
I was pondering it all week because I see it so often.
This comparison to other people and where they are on their journey. But without the context of their journey to get there. Just the focus on where they say they are now.
This idea of where we feel we ‘should’ be. Without the context of the fact that no one just jumps to that place. They have to go through all the same things to get there. The newness, the lessons, the lack of clarity. It all has to happen, it’s part of the journey. Without it you’d never get to where you’re going.
The ways we make assumptions about other people’s journeys to success and where they are today. The assumption that we are alone in our thoughts of ‘how am I going to do this’, ‘i’m not good enough’. The battles with our unconscious programming that we all have to go through in order to uplevel.
I feel like so many of us spend so long focusing on the big ‘out there’ goals that we’re working towards, we miss that we are worlds apart from where we used to be.
But we need to look back to be able to see it. AND, not beat ourselves up for not being where we think we ‘should’ be just yet.
We need to look back and be able to go, ‘holy moly I used to find this so hard’ or ‘I remember how bad I was at this to start with’. We all start somewhere.
I identify as being not the best at tech, shall we say. I also know I’m more advanced than many, purely because I had to do the work.
Because, really, what happens if the biggest part you’re supposed to enjoy is the journey itself.
All those little wins and milestones along the way.
All the growth, lessons, new connections.
I read a lot and listen to a lot of podcasts from hugely successful people and you’ll often hear a lot of them say that the day they finally achieved their goal was not what they were expecting.
Jonny Wilkinson said how winning the world cup led to his darkest days and Israel Adesanya said becoming the UFC middleweight champion was one of the lowest days of his life, both on the Diary of a CEO.
This isn’t to be dom and gloom because there are so many things that could be going on there and everyone is an individual. We put so much weight on the goal itself that sometimes you get there and it’s this anti climax.
This feeling of what next? Or the fear of having further to fall that might creep in.
Or who am I if I’m not chasing this goal?
Or even the intense need to keep growing, because what will people think?!
Goals are amazing. I love goals.
Not at the expense of joy and satisfaction along the way to get there.
Where’s the enjoyment?
If your goal takes you years and then you hit it, then what?
When I look back on my journey I’ve achieved a huge amount. I’m only just beginning.
But in all honesty most of my goals are lifestyle based. They aren’t based on any kind of external validation and I’m very much of the opinion of goals being an evolving beast.
There is no one singular end goal for me.
No idea of ‘once I do/have/acheive X, then I will be ok’.
We need to question ourselves around the goals. Are they based from a higher self kind of place? Or an avoidance of something or a story based in our unconscious programming of not being ok.
There’s a BIG difference.
I’m always curious as to why my goals are my goals. How do they link into each other and what’s the overall picture. What does my life look like? How do I feel?
It can feel frustrating when you feel like you aren’t moving ‘fast enough’. Question yourself over whether that’s fast enough for you or for other people.
But in those moments it’s so helpful to look back and see how far you’ve come.
What are you doing now that’s second nature that you used to find really hard?
When I see old friends post covid and we talk about what we’ve done and I say I launched an app and i’ve had almost half a million downloads on my podcast it’s always interesting and a humbling moment to see their faces and reactions because I’ve been working towards those things for years and acting as if they’re no big deal.
There are plenty of people who have achieved way more. But these moments are so helpful because the look on their faces says it all.
It’s a big flipping deal!
It’s a big deal and I should allow myself to recognise that.
Remember, you’re making moves! You’re doing things that the majority wouldn’t dream of doing. You’re backing yourself.
You get to celebrate that and acknowledge every tiny little win you make along the way.
Don’t try to rush to the destination, because what if the journey is the fun bit.
It can be if you let it!
Where are you trying to rush through the journey?
What is the story you’re telling yourself around why that needs to be the case?
Where are you not allowing yourself to see the progress you’ve made?
What might happen if you spent some intentional time looking at that?
What might you see?
This gets to be fun!
Fran Excell, Success Mindset Mentor at www.franexcell.com – Helping Business Owners & Executives Overcome Stress & Self Sabotage so they can get back their time, get off the emotional rollercoaster and feel more in control.
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