Should you be positive all the time?

 

The power of positivity! Ahhh!

When you hear people saying ‘just think positive’ you want to give them a punch in the nose, because you feel anything but.  

You WANT to feel positive and THINK positive but you just can’t seem to!

Negativity is just ingrained in your psyche!

Then you beat yourself up when you feel like you’re not doing it ‘right’!

Sound familiar?

As a mindset coach and previous ‘Eeyore on a bad day’, I talk about helping people find their positive pants a LOT because I genuinely believe it’s so SO important.  

So much so I named my podcast after it!

I help them pull em up and keep em up.

But I get asked a lot if I feel 100% positive 100% of the time…

The answer is a giant HELL NO!

Life throws the proverbial at me all the time and it throws me out of whack, just like it does everybody else.

BUT….I do know how to get myself out of it pronto and ask myself the right questions to work out where it’s coming from and if it’s helpful.

Is it even possible to be positive all the time?

In a way, yes it IS possible.

BUT, is it sustainable when you’re having to force it or deny yourself feeling other feelings?  No.

Is it realistic?  No.

Is it healthy?  No.

Retraining your brain for positivity

To become a more positive person you literally have to retrain and rewire your brain for different thinking and create new neural pathways to make that your ‘go to’ through a process called neuroplasticity.

Sound easy peasy?

Thought not…but when you know how it IS easy…but it takes time!

It’s also really bloomin cool that we have that power over our own brains!

Wired for the negative

As humans we’re wired for the negative.

You can ABSOLUTELY become a more positive person if you CHOOSE that’s who you want to be….but it really doesn’t mean that you will be that way 100% of the time.  

It’s just not realistic.

There will always be that initial reaction to something that isn’t always how you’d WANT to react or CHOOSE to react an hour after digesting the situation. (Just ask my husband!)

The thing I think is important is being able to get yourself out of a negative space when you acknowledge you don’t want to be in it.

Pity party anyone?

Sometimes we DO want to throw ourselves a little pity party and stay in our pj’s, sushi roll into the duvet and eat a pint of Ben and Jerry’s….do I think that’s always wise or helpful?  

No….do I acknowledge sometimes the heart just wants what it wants? Yes.

But it’s your CHOICE.

When it’s a problem is when you don’t know your way out.

Sometimes that little pity party is the rest that our body was telling us we needed.

What is important is to build your resilience, to have tools like reframing in your back pocket to help you choose to look at a situation differently when you don’t want to be negative.

THAT’S what’s important.

Allow yourself to feel what you feel

Something I do feel strongly about is to allow ourselves to feel negative emotions when we want or need to.

Sometimes awful things happen in life and it’s really important not to suppress those emotions when they come up.

But there will come a point where you make a choice to continue to feel that way or feel another way.

At the end of the day I firmly believe, no I KNOW, that we have a choice in how we feel and how we think.

The thing is, we can’t beat ourselves up when we DON’T feel it because that has the opposite effect.  

We start to think there’s something wrong with us which knocks our confidence and self esteem.  

What you DO need is to get curious as to WHY you don’t feel the way you want to.

If life has thrown the proverbial at you and it’s making you procrastinate about something is there something bigger at play there? (Download my procrastination buster here to find out!)

Negativity can be helpful

Negative emotions can also sometimes be helpful to us.  

It can help us notice when we’re out of balance with our values and when we’re doing something that’s out of alignment with who we are or who we want to be.

They can show us what we DON’T want.  They’re also a HUGE motivator for change and will cause us to act out of purely not wanting to be there any more.

That feeling of enough is enough!

If you’re trying to force positivity it may mean you’re not really dealing with the underlying issue and that’s not good.  

So what are your negative feelings telling you?

Are you actually heading for burnout and need to take some time for yourself?

Are you creating a business based on what you think you SHOULD do rather than what you WANT to do.

So…do I believe you MUST have a positive foundation in place if you want to start a business or make any huge life change?  YES!

You’ll be pushing water uphill otherwise.  I believe this to be HUGELY important.

BUT…does this mean I think you should be 100% positive 100% of the time? ABSOLUTELY NOT!

You need to listen to those negative emotions and understand what they’re telling you.  

Get curious about why you’re feeling that way and use the tools i’ve mentioned to get yourself out of it and back on track!

If you feel you’re a negative person and you don’t want to be you can absolutely find your positive pants, pull em up and keep em up but don’t deny yourself the negative when it CAN be helpful!

Don’t try to be a stepford wife and force positivity, that’s not how this stuff works, it can actually make you focus on the negative even more.

Understand the tools i’ve given you (resilience, reframing, changing state) , understand how much control you have, understand how your negative emotions can help you and make your choice.

You have so much more control over your thoughts and your reality than you give yourself credit for.

If you want to explore this further or have any questions come join me in my private community below…we’re a supportive bunch and love to help!

Fx

Fran Excell, Subconscious Success Mentor – Helping Business Owners Overcome Self Sabotage & Get More Done In Less Time at www.franexcell.com

RESOURCES:

Check out The Positive Pants Podcast here

Download your FREE Stressed To Success Meditation here

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Grab your 365 day ‘Attitude Of Gratitude’ Journal here

Grab Your ‘Positive Pants Firmly On’ Notebook here

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