It’s time to normalise getting help and support for your mind. It’s one of your most precious assets and there is often so much shame around getting help that people just don’t.
It’s the last thing people look at. Often having spent thousands on strategies, shiny objects and fads, all of which don’t work.
Their money goes on the promise of quick fixes before they feel they have no choice but to ask for help.
This needs to change.
It’s fundamental to growing your business. It’s fundamental in life lets be honest!
Whether it’s coaching, mentoring, therapy, counselling, hypnotherapy, NLP, whatever it may be.
You don’t need to stay stuck or in pain.
At some point it’s something the vast vast majority of us deal with. But only a small percentage are open about it.
We need to change the language around anything to do with your mind too.
Mental health ‘issues’ or ‘problems’. ‘Struggling’ or ‘suffering’ with mental health.
Feeling the need to hide it when it’s part of how we’re built.
Our unconscious protects us. ALL of us. Your mind and body work together to keep you out of perceived danger.
At any one point you could have any or all of the following influencing your behaviour. Your thoughts and beliefs are experiences and traumas from your childhood, conditioning from your upbringing and environment and culture, unconscious bias, things your parents, teachers, siblings, grandparents, friends said to you, there’s genetics, your particular triggers, the physiological responses you get that trigger your autonomic nervous system. So you can see it’s actually quite a complex issue.
The majority of people aren’t trained to know this. So just accept things as the way things are. But it absolutely doesn’t have to be that way.
All of this can be unpicked. It doesn’t have to keep you stuck. But you will stay stuck if you don’t start to at least get curious about what drives your behaviour.
There are SO many options out there to make this WAY easier than doing it on your own. Trust me, that’s what I did and it took a long time and a lot of trial and error. You’ve got counselling, therapy, coaching, mentoring, EMDR, IFS, Hypnotherapy, NLP, Heartmath and countless other modalities available to you. If it wasn’t something that a huge number of people struggled with, these wouldn’t exist, so I can guarantee you you’re not on your own.
In other cultures it’s just as normal as going to the gym. Think of it as a workout for your mind.
There is no shame. There is no weakness. It’s just another form of communication. Allowing yourself to communicate internally, with yourself, with your emotions, your body, your mind.
Think about it really. How long could you stay in a negative spiral or a down day if you didn’t talk it out with someone. How much relief do you feel when you have? How much more quickly do you move forwards? Imagine talking to someone who REALLY knows how to navigate it.
Normally the things you really want to avoid are the very things that will be a catalyst for big positive changes in your life.
Sometimes someone will say something, or ask a question in the right way and it can change everything for you in an instant.
You may have never got to that point trying to do it for yourself.
I feel like people are starting to wake up to this. To be honest I think it’s really started to happen in areas where it’s SO so important. Like entrepreneurship. Professional athletes. Creatives. It’s definitely started to be taken more seriously which I’m SO pleased about.
Well, it’s been going on for years but people are more willing to talk about it now.
Doing what I do i’m in the fortunate position that people open up to me very easily and feel safe to be completely honest. I’m so grateful for that.
I have so many friends who have therapists. But i’m the only one who knows. I normalise it for them.
What’s going on in our mind, goes on in our body too, it’s in our nervous system, it’s in our cells.
It affects everything. It hugely affects our ability to do things. So why are we doing this to ourselves?
Why are we putting off the thing that will help us move forward the quickest, allow us to grow as people, parents, spouses, friends, business owners. Why are we deying ourselves the ability to live a calm, happy, conscious life.
Just because society has told us it’s a bad thing? That it means we’re weak or not ‘normal’ in some way.
How much have we unpicked in 2020 that has finally made us question things that we just accepted?
How much have we realised is just conditioning? Messages we’re sold and then accept as ‘normal’.
You do not have to live in a heightened state of stress, panic, overwhelm, self doubt. You simply don’t. You’re not supposed to!
There’s this idea that seeking help with your mind is only reserved for people with serious conditions.
Too many of us are walking around believing we have to hide our emotions. Hide our struggles.
There’s so much that can be changed simply by becoming aware of it. I talk all the time about stories that we create and don’t challenge. Some of these things that hold us back can be gone in one conversation.
Some things are deeper and require a little longer but you don’t have to walk around feeling like you’re carrying a burden.
Our unconscious programming rules our relationships (wth others, and ourselves), our careers, our businesses, everything. To think it doesn’t need attention from time to time is unreasonable.
With therapy, counselling, coaching, whichever modality you feel drawn to, we can identify unconscious patterns.
We can uncover out of date beliefs. We can find coping strategies that would have helped us at one point in our lives but are having a detrimental affect now and stopping us moving forwards.
You can learn to regulate your emotions, manage anxiety, heal past traumas, regulate your nervous system, overcome self sabotage and so much more.
Why would you not want that?
So how do we go about normalising it?
Talking about it without fearing the judgement of others.
It really can be that simple. Just owning it. Letting other people see you think it’s normal. You never know how many people go ‘me too!’
This is why i’m so open about struggles i’ve had in the past and I talk about how I have a therapist and a coach for different areas of my life. I think it’s so important that no one thinks anyone never has an off day or some deep unconscious programming might get uncovered. It’s just not true.
An example is something i’ve been working through this year is my best friends death when I was at boarding school when I was 11. I used to just not talk about it. It was 25 years ago, I should be over it.
However, this is why it’s so fun peeling the onion that is your unconscious. This year i’ve realised that event shows up in many ways in my adulthood.
In my ability to get really close to people. How and who I trust (this is actually a big one when it comes to outsourcing for your business!). How I show up in my friendships and relationships. I learned in that moment that my emotions were inconvenient for people and I shouldn’t show them. Which led to me being disconnected to my feelings in certain situations. I made up that people didn’t care about me and I can see how all through my teens and twenties I would unconsciously test people. I’d be quick to cut people out if they ‘wronged’ me.
All in one event that happened when I was a child, but I should be ‘over it’ right?
These things that hold us back can come from unexpected places.
For me it’s not about not having a bad day, or not going through things in life because polarity is what makes life beautiful. But it’s knowing how to navigate it. It’s knowing there’s always another layer to the onion. There’s always something you had no idea could be affecting the way you do things until you look at it with curiosity.
There’s a huge thing I see in the mindset coaching ‘space’ which i’ve talked about on the podcast before. This feeling like you have to have your mindset perfect all the time. It’s utter rubbish. Also, it’s important to have gone through the experience of being coached, having therapy etc yourself.
I believe that every good coach, therapist, anyone who works in this field should have their own version of themselves for them. You are not an island and it’s impossible to think that you’re always going to have a good day and you’re always going to be conscious and infallible.
No one is infallible to their unconscious programming.
When you can take away fault or blame for yourself for struggling, it’s not your fault. There’s nothing wrong with you.
You deserve to live the best life possible!
If ever there was a time to shift the way we think about this it’s 2020!
I do really feel like there’s a big shit happening which i’m grateful for. What really drives me in why I do what I do is the belief that no one has to just accept where they are. No one should have to go through pain unnecessarily. We shouldn’t feel the need to internalise things and make it something wrong with us on an identity level.
You’re not broken my love. You don’t need ‘fixing’. But why not live the life you deserve?
Just a reminder you can grab one of my 2 hour sort stuff sessions to get you in the best head space possible. These are only going to be available to book before Christmas. You can take them in January but the pricing ends on December 23rd which is a saving of £250. If you want to work through any gremlins that are leftover from 2020, set your goals in a way thats going to work for YOu and what YOU want. If you want to know you can navigate anything 2021 decides to throw at you and go into it with clarity and confidence then these are for you. You’ve just got to email firstname.lastname@example.org or DM @imfranxcell and I will send you all the details.
Fran Excell, Mindset & Productivity Coach – Helping Business Owners Overcome Self Sabotage & Get More Done In Less Time at www.franexcell.com
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