Is it finally time to back yourself?
Sometimes that can feel really hard. Particularly when you’ve spent most of your life believing you’re not enough. Good enough, clever enough, pretty enough, skinny enough, enough enough!
We wait and wait to feel ‘ready’ to do certain things or to take certain opportunities.
We don’t back ourselves, often for fear of judgement, failure, rejection, getting it wrong.
We unconsciously feel like those things are just not worth the risk.
But I’m not sure you ever really feel 100% ready to do something you haven’t done before.
Something that’s the next level.
We’re not wired that way. We’re not wired for change to be easy because it’s doing something thats unrehearsed and unfamiliar so we need to give our brain and nervous system the evidence that it’s safe and ok to take action.
Can you think of times you have backed yourself, felt the fear and done it anyway, and it’s paid off?
It might be going for a promotion. It might be leaving a job for your own business. It might be saying yes to an opportunity. Anything where you weren’t absolutely sure it was going to work out but you put your hat in the ring.
Hopefully you’ve got a couple of those examples. Equally important is those times you backed yourself and it didn’t work out as you’d hoped.
Did you learn something important along the way? Did you get some feedback you wouldn’t have had you not put yourself out there? Did you learn something valuable?
The other thing I’m always getting clients to do is play through the fear.
What actually happens?
We often have these big fears, these worst case scenarios…but we actually stop short of thinking, what would REALLY happen if that happened?!
If you make a mistake, what happens? Play it through, is it that bad?
Or if you get rejected with a no, what actually happens? What are you making it mean about you?
But the confidence to REALLY back yourself comes from you constantly delivering for yourself. In other words, actually putting yourself out there to get a result.
I did this recently. An opportunity dropped in my lap where I definitely felt the initial ‘i’m not ready’ tension.
I felt all the stories around why other people were better for this opportunity than me. All the reasons I wasn’t qualified or good enough. That’s what our nervous system does.
It’s like….hold on a second, this is new, unfamiliar, unrehearsed, therefore it’s unsafe and you could literally DIE…so…NOPE! Have all these negative thoughts right here to stop you going for it.
You see this is why i’m always saying the goal is not about never having these thoughts it’s about knowing how to navigate them. Understanding why they’re there. That they aren’t necessarily true the vast majority of the time.
Knowing that this is a growth opportunity.
I promise you those thoughts and feelings hang around a LOT less and don’t come up as often when you do this work.
So I felt the fear and did it anyway. I didn’t even give myself time to think about it…or think myself out of it, I just said yes!
I just put my hat in the ring. And it’s a HUGE ring I have to say.
I backed myself.
I backed myself with the knowledge that even if it was a hard no and they laughed in my face, that was ok.
It didn’t mean anything about me, i’d just try again in the future, while being proud of myself for backing me.
But it did pay off.
I sent in my information and got the email saying they wanted to talk to me.
Still feeling the activation, those momentary feelings of ‘oh god, they’re going to find out i’m not good enough for this’. Remembering they will have had hundreds of options but they wanted to talk to ME!
Again, even if it went nowhere further than that, that’s an achievement in itself and absolutely wouldn’t have even got that for without backing myself.
But, it paid off. They loved it. They said it was the best they’d seen and they want to work with me.
It still might not happen, budgets and plans change all the time BUT…because I backed myself I know that I AM good enough. For the things I onced believed were wildly out of my reach.
Even if it goes nowhere I have that.
And I wouldn’t had I not backed myself.
BUT, I didn’t start there. I’ve learned to do that. I’ve learned to back myself. As someone who struggled with hugely low self esteem and lack of confidence, i’ve learned this.
But I also surrounded myself with the right people.
I know there are people in my life that don’t ‘get’ what I do. That’s ok, they don’t have to. They are people who have a different way of thinking to me, that doesn’t mean they shouldn’t be in my life.
We just don’t really talk about work and that’s ok. We have a different relationship. I don’t want their fears or ideas of what life ‘should’ look like to rub off on me and they don’t have to.
But the people who DO get it, or want to…cling onto them because they’re gold dust!
They are my hype team.
You NEED those in business.
You need those in LIFE!
You may be sat there thinking, I don’t have those people right now. That’s ok. We go against the grain running our own businesses and not everyone can wrap their heads (or conditioning!) around that.
You go find them. I did!
And I’m in their hype team too.
Be around people who will back you when you don’t back yourself, until you do!
Create your own hype team.
You’ve met some of mine. Some i’ve interviewed on the podcast. Some I talk about in episodes, my emails or social media.
They are hugely important to me and i’m incredibly grateful to and for them.
One is my hubs, Mr T himself. I’m incredibly lucky to have my hype team so close to home. I know not everyone has that.
Even if he sometimes doesn’t ‘get’ everything i’m trying to do…he backs me.
Most of my hype team are other business owners. They get me, I get them.
They’re the ones who will be in a crowded room singing my praises and vice versa.
But I created that.
I didn’t start with it.
It makes the HUGEST difference. We all have the odd wobbly day, you need those people that hold the mirror up, remind you who the heck you are. That help you keep going. That help reframe your thoughts and get you back on track. But will equally challenge you!
I’m SO flipping lucky with the ones I have and couldn’t be more grateful.
2 of my hype team and I have actually created something together with all of this in mind.
Abi Hugo of @thewhitethistle and Dawni Baxter of @beyond_thedawn have teamed up to create a 6 month mentorship programme. Literally called ‘The Mentorship’ and we couldn’t be more excited.
That’s how much we believe in each other and back each other. We’re literally in it together now!
We want to create the hype team we wish we’d had for other people.
3 heads are better than one. It’s a 6 month programme where you have access to all 3 of us and get to draw on all our expertise to get your business running with YOU at the heart of it. AND have the support of the rest of your cohort too.
Cheerleading, butt kicking, hand holding, the lot.
Stripping away the things you’ve been told you ‘should’ be doing or have and getting to the core of what you REALLY want for your business and your life.
We’re tired of seeing people struggle. Work themselves to the bone and feel like they’re in it alone.
Plus there’s a 4 day cosy retreat with us in January to boot!
So if this sounds like a hype team you’d like to be a part of you can find all the details at https://bit.ly/thementorship21 It’s an absolute maximum of 20 people and some of the slots are already gone so if you want to see if it’s for you you’re welcome to book in a call too.
Whether it’s with the mentorship, an accountability buddy or a group of friends, you deserve your own hype team. You get to back yourself.
It’s time to back yourself!
Fran Excell, Subconscious Success Mentor – Helping Business Owners Overcome Stress & Self Sabotage at www.franexcell.com
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© 2023 Fran Excell. Success mindset mentor for entrepreneurs & executives.