I’ve spoken to so many people in the last week about the pressure they feel under.
The pressure to be visible.
The pressure to be seen to be doing things you don’t necessarily want to be doing.
The pressure to do ALL the things and be a whole, fully formed, brand new person just because it’s been January.
Oof! I feel the pressure just talking about it.
We’re a couple of days away from February, I hope you feel the pressure is dimming just a little remembering that spring is just around the corner.
If you haven’t noticed, I took the whole of January off social media.
I was silent on the gram!
I’ve already got lots of hilarious animal posts ready for my return don’t you worry. So please do come follow me over @imfranexcell and @enneagramandexcell if you’re keen to learn more about that.
Of course the podcast went out, my wednesday email went out every week without fail.
I was around but, behind the scenes.
I’ve been in my own personal pressure cooker of late as you’ll likely be aware.
It’s still not appropriate to talk about it just yet but I’m sure by now you’ve read between the lines to understand what’s been going on for me in my personal life.
That’s the thing with pressure, sometimes something has to give and for me, that was social media in January, I really just needed the time offline.
Lots of you have been SO lovely and sent me messages asking if I’m ok.
The answer is absolutely yes. Thank you very much for asking. I’m looking after myself, using all the tools in my toolkit, giving myself what I need and practicing what I preach.
I’m all good.
What was really lovely is most of the messages were along the lines of ‘I just want to check in that you’re ok because you’ve not been on stories for ages, but whatever might be going on for you if anyone can handle it I know it’s you.’
Which, in all honesty, really hit me in the feels and helped me see how much of a dramatic change ‘doing the work’ was for me.
I was an anxiety ridden little negative catastrophiser for the majority of my life and even though knowing what I do and practicing what I preach doesn’t mean I don’t have bad days or the proverbial doesn’t hit the fan, i’m resilient AF these days and not so easy to rattle!
I’m always wanting to be honest about realistic expectations and normalise negative emotions and bad days as a significant part of the human experience.
Curiosity is always going to be your best friend when it comes to this.
Making sense of your thoughts, feelings and behaviours is such a game changer in all areas of life and I want that for you because I know through training and been there, done it, got the T shirt experience just how possible it is to achieve.
I also want you to know that these moments are where all the good change happens.
Diamonds are formed under pressure.
All too often we’re taught that we ‘shouldn’t’ have negative emotions or bad days. We toxic positivity ourselves until the cows come home and I promise you that won’t get you anywhere.
Address, don’t suppress.
Our biggest lessons and transformations tend to come from leaning into our shadows.
Having this attitude that good stuff is on the other side of anything negative really means the world to me because it means I never see hard times or bad experiences as inherently BAD.
I can be in them, feel all the feels and ugly cry as much as I like and be excited about what’s to come.
Sometimes things happen which allow you to go to far deeper depths of healing than you ever could have got to on your own.
The next 6 months or so is still going to be hard for me but every single day the ‘sads’ heal and the excitement builds.
If you’re on my email list you’ll know that this year is all about chasing joy.
Joy for me in January wasn’t on social media.
Sometimes it is.
This time I knew I needed to be Offline Fran for a bit. And it’s been glorious.
I’ve seen so many amazing friends and had more laughs than I’ve had in ages. I’ve reconnected with people who are important and I’m in life re-build mode.
Trust me when I say there’s an almighty glow up coming! I feel it in my waters!
So much of our distress in life comes from fearing what ‘might’ happen.
Or what might not happen.
There’s such a focus on what we don’t want that the fears can sometimes overwhelm us and that leads to more distress and then we’re in the spiral.
What I thought was genuinely one of my worst nightmares has happened.
Plus it’s an almighty life upheaval in pretty much every area of life and as an Enneagram 6, I’m not traditionally great with those.
I’m a planner. I plan for all situations and outcomes.
I usually have a plan A, B and C.
I always have options.
It’s how I roll.
It’s how my nervous system feels safe.
And I’ve had to let go of a lot of that over the past few months.
And hard as it has been I’m already reaping the rewards.
I feel more solid in myself than I ever have before, and I was already pretty solid in myself.
I feel more clarity about what I do and don’t want in my life, and what I will and won’t tolerate, than I’ve ever had.
I feel excitement for a future where I have literally no idea what it might hold. Who knew that was possible for me?!
I’m a freaking diamond baby!
And you are too.
When you can start to look at the times in your life where it feels like intense pressure and there’s a huge amount of big feelings, and maybe some ugly crying and intense uncertainty, as turning yourself into that big beautiful diamond instead of something that’s going to break you, how do you think you’d handle things differently?
At the moment I feel this strange sense of peace and excitement. Yes there are days where it’s underneath some uncertainty and fear.
It’s also letting go of worrying about anyone else’s judgement, letting go of any guilt or resentment and remembering that every single time I’ve been through anything awful in my life the glow up has been imminent.
And this will be a pretty big glow up ha!
When you can let yourself sit with those big feelings and help them move through you, maybe by dancing, breathwork, exercise or my favourite big ugly cry it happens even faster.
You’re a magical creature who is capable of SO much.
So if you’re facing something tough, or new, or a big change that’s full of uncertainty…Remember that diamonds are formed under pressure and the glow up is imminent!
Fran Excell, Success Mindset Mentor at www.franexcell.com – Helping Business Owners & Executives Overcome Stress & Self Sabotage so they can get back their time, get off the emotional rollercoaster and feel more in control.
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