Self care isn’t selfish.
In my opinion, both through my training and my personal experience, it really is an essential piece of the puzzle of life and a huge game changer that isn’t to be underestimated.
The term self care has become a bit ‘buzzy’ which I feel often makes people roll their eyes and ignore it rather than sit up and go ‘oh, I should probably do that’.
Which is frustrating because usually the simplest things are often the things that could make the biggest difference. But we don’t trust it. It seems ‘too simple’ to have any real impact and that’s simply not the case.
Why am I talking about this today?
By the time you’re listening to this I shall be on a retreat. A retreat that’s purely for me and only about my own rest, self care and nervous system care.
I will be doing yin yoga, drinking herbal tea, eating delicious balanced healthy food and listening to my body and what it needs. For 5 days. Yes, there’s a hot tub…of course!
It’s particularly important to look after your own wellbeing if you work with people on their mental or physical wellbeing. Again, it’s essential. You can take on a lot and you’re holding people in ways and spaces they’ve never been held before. You deal with a lot of emotion. It’s a huge responsibility. But it means, in order for you to truly be able to show up as the best, most present version of you, you have to prioritise looking after yourself.
I do this on a daily basis, if you follow me on Instagram @imfranexcell you’ll always see on my stories i’m either doing my ‘me mornings’ i’m at the gym, in the pool, doing Heartmath, using my senate, all sorts of things that are about prioritising myself.
There’s an underlying tone throughout society that to look after yourself is selfish and it’s simply not true.
I really believe it’s selfless.
It’s also the key to unlocking more confidence, more self esteem, more calm, more self belief, more self love.
Fancy some of that? I thought so.
When you DO start to put more of an emphasis on your own self care you might like to know what benefits it might have, apart from the obvious.
Looking after yourself and your own wellbeing is a pretty solid way to avoid burnout. You don’t want to get burned out. It’s not pretty. Burn out happens at the point where your brain and body has had enough and it forces you to take action. So instead of losing time to HAVING to rest you may as well put in a little time now so you can avoid having to.
Self care is not a time suck. It’s not something that is an annoyance on your to do list that TAKES time away from whatever else you want to be doing or are telling yourself you ‘should’ be doing. Self care will actively increase your productivity.
Every single time I do my work out, I take the time to be in the pool (one of mine and my nervous systems favourite things to do, I find being in the water incredibly regulating) I do my Heartmath or my meditation or use my sensate I have HUGELY increased levels of motivation, focus and productivity. I talk about this in my miracle ‘me’ mornings episode from a few weeks ago. It’s a HUGE difference. So if you’re looking for your mojo and your motivation, it’s being elusive to you. Just give this a try.
It actively looks after your nervous system. You want your nervous system to be well looked after because it plays an essential part in your behaviour and, well, pretty much everything in your life. A well looked after nervous system has a larger window of tolerance and capacity to cope with what life throws at you. Your ability to recover from stress and triggers is bigger and quicker. Your behaviour is far more conscious because you’re not consistently operating from the emotional part of your brain and in fight, flight or freeze mode. Basically. You want to look after your nervous system, which is what I’m doing this week.
It looks after your brain and your memory. Your brain only has the ability to handle so much information in any one day. When you prioritise self care you’ll also probably find that you’ll sleep better. Which means your brain has the time to recover, get to work on your healing and also make sure your memories are looked after too. Think about it, when you’re tired and stressed out or have been burning the candle at both ends what happens to your memory? Your ability to string a sentence together? Your ability to problem solve? Your ability to cope with stressors?
You’ve got to think about what you’re wiring into your brain in terms of thoughts, beliefs and behaviours. For the positive and the negative. So when you don’t look after yourself what could you be wiring in? That you’re not worth the time? That you don’t deserve it? That time spent on yourself is ‘wasted’? That you’re not important?
And what are you wiring in when you DO look after yourself? That you ARE worthy? That time invested in you is time well spent? That you matter? That you’re important?
Like I said before, and when you think about what I’ve just said, looking after yourself is an incredible way to increase your self esteem and confidence. For exactly the reasons I’ve just mentioned.
Think about who you need to show up for. Family? Friends? Clients? Making sure you’re able to be the best version of yourself is so so important. If you’re psychologically and physically looking after yourself everyone around you benefits.
The other thing I really want you lovely rock star parents out there to think about is what you’re modeling for your kiddos. Think about where you may have learned to NOT look after yourself? What did you see or hear as a child around self care? If we can create a generation of kids who look after themselves, their physical, emotional and mental health. Imagine a world full of emotionally regulated and well rested individuals. I mean, talk about a game changer. Remember, as always, no judgement of yourself, only self compassion and curiosity.
You’re not always going to get it right, this isn’t about piling on pressure for yourself or another way for you to beat yourself up. There are inevitably times when self care goes out the window because of time pressures, or things coming up that we aren’t expecting. But it’s about making sure you have your plans to go back to it, know that it’s important and knowing that you’re worth the time too.
It’s also remembering that self care isn’t just bubble baths, yoga and massages. It’s looking after your physical, emotional and mental health.It’s remembering that all of these are linked. It’s preventative in terms of the symptoms that can arise from both of those categories without adequate self care. Remember, if you get ill what happens to your business and the people you need to look after then?
It’s getting more sleep. It’s drinking water. It’s also setting boundaries, it’s communicating your needs, to both yourself and other people. It’s the way you talk to yourself. It’s the choices and decisions you make. It’s not abandoning yourself. It’s noticing when your life is out of balance and choosing to do something about it. It’s paying attention to yourself. It’s self awareness.
Your self care is always going to look different to someone else’s so there’s no need to compare.
Self care in your business might look like acknowledging when something isn’t working for you anymore. Or that you’ve lost your joy. Or that you need a change and actually allow yourself to go there.
That’s why I’m excited about all the people doing Lauren’s subscription box challenge because so many people are going to find a new way to ‘spark joy’ in their business. Me included.
I think subscription boxes are such a great way to inject some fun into your business. It’s a great business model where you get to shop for things you love, you get to give that joy to your subscribers every month AND you also get that sweet sweet recurring revenue that I’m always talking about. So you know where you’re at every month. AND if you don’t want to be a personal brand but know you want a business it’s an incredible business model for that too.
Anyhoo…If you missed me talking about Lauren, she’s a friend of mine and the absolute QUEEN of starting subscription boxes. She’s got 3 (nearly 4) of her own and she’s grown them hugely in the last 18 months. If you missed her challenge last week it’s not too late, she’s going to do a recap on her masterclass tonight (Monday 4th July 2022 that is) If you haven’t already signed up, it’s tonight at 8pm UK. https://bit.ly/subsmasterclass
She’s also going to be talking about her amazing end to end programme ‘Tick all the boxes’ which is everything you need to be able to set up and launch your subscription box from scratch. She even teaches you ways that you don’t have to front up the cash for the products too. If now feels like the right time for you, and if you sign up with me, you’ll also get access to all my bonuses too.
If you’re in the first 5 people to buy you’ll get to come spend the day with me at the very place I do a lot of the things i’ve been talking about today. Eastwell Manor in Kent. It’s just an hour outside of London and my very own self care oasis. It’s a Champneys’ spa hotel and I’m there at least 3x per week looking after myself in various ways. We’ll have afternoon tea together up at the manor and spend the day masterminding and taming mindset gremlins. Not only with me but with Lauren herself too. I’ve promised her a go in the hot tub and she’s very excited.
Even if you aren’t in the first 5 you’ll also get (on top of all of her bonuses) a 60 minute 1:1 with me, access to my Positive Pants Toolkit membership for 6 months (including the monthly group calls) and you’ll get my Attitude of Gratitude chunky journal delivered to your door too.
Cart opens after the masterclass tonight and you’ll be able to jump in and have me supporting you on your journey to being the owner of your very own subscription box.
So, bearing ALL of this in mind I want to leave you with one little thought.
Rest is not lazy. Self care is not selfish. They are integral to your happiness and you deserve every minute of it.
Fran Excell, Success Mindset Mentor at www.franexcell.com – Helping Business Owners & Executives Overcome Stress & Self Sabotage so they can get back their time, get off the emotional rollercoaster and feel more in control.
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© 2023 Fran Excell. Success mindset mentor for entrepreneurs & executives.